April 2009
1 post
Bright Side #58 →
Liquor costs and cigarette taxes have downgraded your raging alcoholism to a more respectable “drinking problem.”
“I smoke when I drink, and I drink when I go out and I’ve been doing less of…
March 2009
14 posts
Bright Side #57 →
You no longer have to feel like a cheapskate for passing on the waiter’s offer of sparkling water.
Bright Side #56 →
Apparently, the shitty economy makes a great excuse for your potty mouth.
“According to Los Angeles psychotherapist Nancy Irwin, a foul economy is prompting more outbursts of foul language….
Bright Side #55 →
There are far more immediate justifications for drinking yourself into oblivion than just a ridiculous obsession with leprechauns and clovers.
Bright Side #54 →
Your local pawn shop now offers Zegna suits and Simon Pearce housewares alongside the typical gold chains and firearms.
Bright Side #53 →
Getting rid of the kids this summer still qualifies as a necessity.
[KansasCity.com]
Bright Side #52 →
The people of Cleveland won’t have to set their river on fire again in 2010.
“It’s worth noting that the recession could bolster Cleveland and Miami’s chances of re-signing LeBron James and Dwyane…
Bright Side #51 →
The creepy dudes in IT are finally getting some freakin’ respect.
“Any employee who has been laid off or fears he might soon lose his job could potentially steal proprietary information and is a…
Bright Side #50 →
Girls are still going wild.
“Between now and next week, 18 major universities will be hitting Fort Myers Beach spending money, which helps keep our beaches afloat year-round.”
[MSNBC]
Bright Side #49 →
We may not be able to make fuel efficient cars profitable, but American ingenuity earned millions off a blanket with sleeves.
Bright Side #48 →
You’re not past your sub-prime, you’re just having a fiscal crisis.
Bright Side #47 →
If you become poor enough, Angelina Jolie might adopt you.
Bright Side #46 →
You’re not losing a live-in nanny, you’re gaining a walk-in closet.
Bright Side #45 →
Though we’ve lost the Dick and Bush innuendo, it looks like “the stimulus package” is here to stay.
Bright Side #44 →
Transparency is the new black.
February 2009
23 posts
Bright Side #43 →
Unemployed high-school dropouts are finally finding the time to get that GED …
[MSNBC]
Bright Side #42 →
You were trying to figure out how to break up with your hairdresser anyway.
Bright Side #41 →
A market correction on bottle service.
Bright Side #40 →
Finally, an end to the PT Cruiser.
Bright Side #39 →
Furloughs ain’t just for Marines anymore.
[WSJ]
Bright Side #38 →
The value of Paris Hilton’s ‘celebrity’ has plummeted as quickly as your 401k.
“Hilton was once paid $50,000 to make an appearance at just one of New York’s star-studded fashion week shows. This…
Bright Side #37 →
No one ever really wanted to say, ‘I got it at Mervyns.’
Bright Side #36 →
Finally, the perfect excuse for refusing to contribute cash for those awkward conference room birthday parties and baby showers. And if you can’t pitch in, of course, it would be rude to attend.
Bright Side #35 →
No more Girl Scout ponzi schemes.
[USA Today]
Bright Side #34 →
They ARE just like us! This year’s Oscar swag bag contents: a Whitman sampler, a Timex Indiglo and some Foster Grants.
Bright Side #33 →
This year’s Oscar nailbiter: Will celebrities dress conservatively so as not to offend struggling Americans with an excessive display of wealth? OR will they do it up, to give us the vicarious…
Bright Side #31 →
Huh… huh… WEED, bro!
“It’s difficult to imagine that some intrepid legislator hasn’t already walked into Arnie “Pot is not a drug” Schwarzenegger’s office and said, “Governator, now is the…
Bright Side #32 →
The odds of being attacked by a sharked have dropped this year — along with your chances for owning a home and retiring with dignity.
[USA Today]
Bright Side #30 →
For residents of Pennsylvania, West Virginia and Kentucky, absolutely nothing has changed.
Bright Side #29 →
Lawyers have finally managed to catch a break: Welcome to the era of the investment-banker joke.
Bright Side #28 →
Just because your family is living in the street doesn’t mean you can’t cheaply preserve those painful memories for future generations (assuming the world doesn’t end sometime in April).
…
Bright Side #27 →
Savvy investors are getting great returns from McDonald’s, where a 2,000-calorie-per-day diet can be had for just $5. Huge asses and heart disease included free of charge.
“At a time when…
Bright Side #25 →
Less time spent listening to forced jokes crafted by unfunny people to add ‘levity’ to a Power Point presentation.
“According to a survey released last month that was conducted by the industry…
Bright Side #26 →
Sex is (usually) free, and it appears that these hard times have brought out America’s freaky side.
“A new report by the makers of LifeStyles Condoms indicates that sales of their love-makin’…
Bright Side #24 →
Broke-ass families are being forced to spend quality time together.
“’When you get into this type of economy, where the consumer does not have the kind of spendable income that they had…
Bright Side #23 →
Your grandmother’s paranoid rationing of sugar, rubber and tobacco no longer qualifies as a symptom of dementia.
Bright Side #23 →
The design will get better ...
This total lack of style will change soon — but we wanted to get the site up ASAP for your Tumbling convenience …